Watching 'Shame' and a story

I watched ‘Shame’ (directed by Turner prize winning artist Steve McQueen, starring Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan) last night.

It was fucking bleak.

The film is brutal, relentless, devoid of charming subplots. It tells the story of a sex addict - a man in his late 30's/early 40's who lives in New York, has an apartment and a good job. And he has all sorts of sex, with all sorts. Prostitutes. A man gives him oral sex. Threesomes with women. Porn. Wanking. His sister turns up out of the blue and he can't stand the chaos she brings, the closeness, her need for him as a human being.

McQueen explores extremes. His first feature ‘Hunger’, was an exploration of just that – hunger – how IRA man Bobby Sands starved himself in ‘The Maze’ prison and in doing so exposed the Thatcherite, English government as ultimately cruel.

And now, sex. But not run-of-the mill relationship sex but empty sex. Or if not empty, never satisfying.

Recently I have been spouting 15 year old type nihilistic statements such as ‘I want to write the brutal because people are fickle.’ Now, I don’t know. Watching ‘Shame’ has sort of made me want to write something more human, less bleak. But I’m going to post this story that I wrote a couple of months ago, that is in a similar vein to ‘Shame’, but just less dramatic, utterly mundane.

Natalie is restless

Natalie is restless. She is 25, lives on her own, having separated from her husband. The last time she had sex was a year ago. She is pretty, although not remarkably so. Natalie feels the pain of not being touched. She consoles herself every night by masturbating. She has bought toys in the past, but she prefers her urgent, non-robotic fingers. Tonight she has decided to let a stranger into her room. Except she’s on the other side of the world. She calls herself Arihana and is from New Zealand. She’s 10 years older than Natalie and although her age shows (she is a smoker and a drinker), Natalie thinks her very beautiful, like one of those actresses from the 1940’s – a full-lipped vamp with a cascading, dark mane.

Her phone rings, momentarily distracting her from her fantasy. It is Ray, a guy who works at a supermarket check-out that for three days has pursued her for her number. Natalie relented and is ashamed of the fact she caved in so easily. She will not answer the call even though she hungers for a penis. Instead, she prefers to wait for the pre-arranged time her and Arihana agreed on last night.

She makes herself some toast but can’t eat it. She has a couple of beers, checks her facebook, looks out of her apartment’s balcony.

Natalie turns on her webcam. It is morning in New Zealand and Arihana is already naked. She is sat down on a clear, Philippe Stark chair. Her breasts are large, and drooping but her neck is magnificent. She has a bit of weight round her middle, but her waist is tiny. Natalie asks to see her legs and Arihana changes the position of her webcam so she can take a few strides and in the process show Natalie her toned, yet ample bum. Natalie is aroused, and as Arihana strides back to her chair she asks her in her New Zealand accent to take off her flannel shirt. Natalie obliges although she’d rather just stare at the naked Arihana for a bit longer.

She takes off all her clothes, and Arihana is moved by her inexpert undressing. It is not sexy at all, and therefore all the more sexual for Arihana. Natalie can’t understand why such a beautiful woman wants to interact with her. Although Arihana doesn’t tell her, she loves the fact Natalie looks so young. She is 25 and moderately pretty, but she could pass for 17. Arihana stares hard at the body before her. Natalie’s breasts are small but her legs go on forever.

Arihana starts touching herself.

Natalie’s 7-month-old son, Max, cries. For a couple of minutes she ignores it, but then mouths ‘Be right back’ to Arihana who is vigorously fingering herself. Max has shit himself, so that it spills out of his nappy and up his back. Natalie baths him and dresses him in a fresh baby grow. She kisses Max as she places him back in his cot. She grabs a beer.

Even before Natalie glances at the screen, she knows Arihana has vanished to someone else’s room.

- Eli Regan